OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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