how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
