I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
