no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize