oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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