just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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