in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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