Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
