absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
