I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
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I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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