I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
