only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
