And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
