I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think your dad took our porno
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
