I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
