He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Randomize
