I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
