are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
