You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
