booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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