the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
