i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
