I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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