We won't sleep together?
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
