i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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