Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
