Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
