I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
