How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
