Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
