just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
