So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
