yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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