Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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