i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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