Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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