I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
