Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
