She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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