Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
