This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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