I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
