The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
