I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
