Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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