If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
