Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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