You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
