I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
