Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
