did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
