can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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