life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
