definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
