its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
