You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
