it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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