You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
