We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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