dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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