I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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