My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
