Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
