I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
