How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
