My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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