so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
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Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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