You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
