there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
