Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
