the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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