the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
