I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
