im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
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guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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