True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
