a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
well you can't waste a boner
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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