The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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