Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
