Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
