I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
