Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
