If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
