Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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